If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
