spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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