one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
