So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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