wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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