I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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