You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
