i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
