im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
