I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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