if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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