listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
