We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
