So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
