I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
