What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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