dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
