ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
