This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
