did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
