I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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