There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
