Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
