Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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