a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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