Apparently you make a good broom.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
