I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
