Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
