she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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