Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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