Girls should come with a carfax report
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
