haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
