Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
