Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
