I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
