omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
