i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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