i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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