Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
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