And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
