She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
