Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
