That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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