evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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