Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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