Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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