why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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