you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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