New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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