Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Randomize
