We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
